Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
