And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
