One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
