I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
