I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
