i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
