he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
