some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
