guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
