She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
