if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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