Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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