I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's get the cat blown out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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