i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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