It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
