never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
