We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
