dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
