Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
