my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
