he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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