I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
