Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
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