Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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