I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
