WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
