i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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