plz talk dirty to me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
