If i come over, it means nothing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
