I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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