Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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