Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
