oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
