Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
