I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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