This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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