i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
