highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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