Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
