I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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