were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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