I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
