She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
