they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
