Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
