It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
