Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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