there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
