in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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