I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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