god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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