Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
