And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
