Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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