she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
