i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
