so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My feet surprised me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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