It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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