you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
