Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's shark week go big or go home
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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