If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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